i will rejoice

the day i'm finally fucking done with college
and can afford to eat things other than ramen and grilled cheese.
oh and pizza when i'm feelin fancy
efffff my life right now
wish i had saved up monies for summer classes
but that shit don't work when you got them bills to pay

the truth is

that i don't miss you.
i have a beautiful life.
i have a beautiful family and surrogate family.
things are hard and the times are rough but were still young
and for the most part very very happy.
and for once
in my life
i am confident and have faith in the things that i am doing.
i wonder how most of them are now. then wheni find out its susually that theyre the same and that nothings changed
but even that is ok.
i want some kim chee or lo mein
deuces

so i thought

that i'd finally be able to delete this shit
but a week later i find out that i have to do an event timeline of the last five years of my life for class
and since the last five years were horribly drug influenced
and this is the only thing i actually made a point to update on a regular basis in those five years
i guess i'm keepin it around till the end of the semester
whoo hoo
(ahnot)

yo

uhm
any plans this weekend?
i havn't been to denton in like six months.
maybe its about time.

take a ride on an aliens spaceship

uhm vegas is totally completly bizare
two of my best friends from second grade are like gonna get married soon
AND
they are naming their first born after me if its a girl
i was completely floored by this news
why would you wanna curse your child like that
whatev
i'll totally snmoke and get drunk witha kid named after me
i saw a cirque show last night
it was truly the most beautiful thing that ive seen since like italy
i was blown away
its not everyday that you see shit like that
were going to the lake today
the shitty ass lake that like you ouldn't swim in when i was a kid cause it had rocket fuel in the water somehow
my grandpa and uncle are like about to die
its so weird to be close to someone on the verge of death
i can hear it in their voices
fuck that part makes me wish i hadn't come down here
fuck
i just wanna ebe home
in dantes arms with little schlomo watching discovery channel and all that wonderful bull
iexcept i'll get ohme and i'm sure dante and i will e fighting in like five minutes
shit time to go

(no subject)

wow guys.

life got really good there for a while.
and then just as quickly as it happned it turned itself back into shit
i'm not gonna whine or bitch but i just wanna say i didn't see it cominoutt left field n shit
i'm at my dads
sometimes i forget how much he loves me
it is nice to know that no matter how much i fuck up i can come home and just cry on him
i told him today that i thought i was gonna have to get a proffesiuon cause this thing where people fire me is killin me.
he said good go to college hen fire people so they can't fire you
and that is what its all about isn't it
not that i know what life is about
or love
or anything else
and fuck people that pretend like they do
and fuck livejournal for making me realize how dismal my life really is

(no subject)

oh god
life has been so fucking weird lately its not even funny
uhm basically q hates dante and i now (like always)
schlomo is gone
dante ordered another fat tail gecko the other night
it makes me depressed cause i want my leopard geco back
hes a fuckin backstabbin baby
weve been talkiing about moving and stuff
i think my dad is gonna buy me a car soon, hopefully
raymond said that hed sell me his corolla for like 2500
not bad since its pimped out and got a system
my dad just put money in my accuont
i'm trying to not go shopping
or shoplifting
but sometimes you can only choose one and its usually the cheap one
i have alot of tests i have to study for
but i'mstrangely excited
and uh my music appreciation teacher looks like david bowie
if you know me
at all
you know what that means
...
it neednt' be said
but on the other hand i like big mexican boys
i wanna hang out with keely sometime
uhhh i'm gonna go paint my nails
and then most likely go hit up Ross
or nordstrom rack
i should call anita
uuuuuyhhhh
i wanna black pencil skirt
and my sewing machine back
and some Magnetism by Escada cause apparently i'm a fucking label whore now
damn
i wanna new pair of heels too
shit i gotta go soon
i think i'l just go shop by myself
for once ther is enough gas and i have money



OH SHIT
i forgot the best part till sarah just immed me
BIG NEWS
I THINK I AM GONNA QUIT DRUGS FOR A WHILE
AND BIRTH CONTROL




and sell some of my eggs so i can make like eight hundred dollars
cause i don't want babies anyway
shit i have the number in my purse
gotta go

no idea why i'm awake right now, i don't have school

i wish this would have happened yesterday
i skipped shool and felt like a piece of shit
that was horrible
i know its all depression cause some days i wake up fine
i hsould have a car soon
hopefuly everyone up there will like look down on me and give that a kick in the ass
anitas gonna help me get it
i talked to dante for like two seconds about moving away
he wasn't happy
havn't even mentioned it to my father
i'm sure hell be damn glad to hear it
i wanna go to austin
badddddd
guys
like i'm finally serious about school and shit
after so long
even though i have no idea what to do
that is upsetting
i almost wanna help kids like i was, or with mental disabilities and shit
hte problem wiht bing a case worker like that is there ain't no money and you havve to see through the kids bullshit thats being fed to them by their parents
i have a hard time seeing through every type of bullshit, if you cant tell
i still need pictures
i'm makin a cd for toni and guy
i really like my job and the people i work with
i think they like me
maybe today i'll get to listen to like the nerves and tiger army and block party and muddy waters instead of that shit they put on
stilll need pis of jeffie
this is gonna be my last weekend to hang out
so call me k?
i'm gonna try and get my car to
my dad said hes just gonna put 1500 in my bank account and let me go find a car lot on lancaster an pick that shit out
and imma play so nice its not funny